Motherhood and the Self-Portrait

Mothers have been a popular subject of art for as long as art has existed. For example, Venus of Willendorf was a typical statue from thousands of years ago. Countless artists have depicted one of the most cherished mothers of all times—Madonna with child—or, as many of us know her, the Virgin Mary. There are sculptures of Mary cradling the Christ crucified, a compelling point-of-view from a mother in the light of the loss of not only her son but the promised Messiah.

Themes of selflessness, charity, compassion, and many others apply to mothers but are not only reserved for biological mothers—nurse maids and women who cared for children were also represented in art honoring the attributes closely associated with mothers. Even the virtue of Charity is most commonly represented in art as a mother caring for multiple children. Seeing the valuable character qualities mothers live out across all of time is a compelling reason to be in photos with our own children.

The conflict around being in the frame

“Selfie culture doesn’t fit my personality”

Selfie culture is a relatively new phenomenon. While selfies can be a fun way to be in photos with our kids, and they will absolutely cherish these, I think a lot of us feel conflicted on the topic of selfies. We don’t want to seem overly self-absorbed. We feel uncomfortable in general with some of the negative connotations associated with taking a lot of selfies, and the nature of the highlight reel. Selfies can be a fun and lighthearted way to be in photos with our children, but as mothers and creatives, I think it is natural and good that we crave something more.

“Is the occasional photo session with a photographer enough?”

As a photographer, I’m obviously a big advocate for hiring a professional to take high-quality photographs of your family. I work hard to communicate to my clients that our sessions are about more than a holiday card photo—they are about the way you look at each other, how you compassionately kiss your child’s scraped knee; The way the baby plays with your hair while he sits on your hip. I love the organic, true, in-between moments of life and work tirelessly to capture them for you. As a mother, I understand this occasional-and-doesn’t-always-fit-the-budget privilege. Even if it does, it’s unrealistic to hire a photographer for every event you want to be photographed. Truth be told, the lived-in, intimate moments of our lives are often what we want to remember the most. The sick days, unreal messes, storytime with piles of books in forts—the lived-in moments of our lives that make us our organic selves—you can capture that beauty, and you can be in the frame, too.

A Framework for Your Own Self-Portraits of Motherhood

I will never forget walking around the Metropolitan Museum of Art last winter. I stood in front of countless paintings and sculptures, and I realized: being a mother is the most unseen work I have ever done. Only there, in one of the greatest art museums in the world, did I realize how seen my work is - all because a mother’s work was made known by thousands of artists across all of time, from every part of the world. Friends, we are those artists. If we don’t tell our stories through art—who will? 

Be Genuine

I think one of the greatest takeaways I came away from the Met with was how much I cherished the honesty in the works on motherhood. I love when a painting pulls me in with detail—I notice the specifics of how the light pours in and how it relates to the time of day of the moment. I love an honest painting that allows for clutter in the home—apparently, this was real even in the 1700s, thank goodness. We live in an era where technology allows us to see so many highlight reels of so many other people’s lives, and I know for me, this can leave me paralyzed and struggling to capture my own life as genuinely as possible. I think we can honor our families by letting our stories be what they are and capturing them as so, with respect and dignity. Sometimes our moments may include sadness, laughter, or exhaustion - be tender to the moment and considerate of everyone’s feelings, but sometimes capturing an honest connection in the midst of these feelings can become a beloved work of art for you and your family. 

What You Need

It’s what we all wonder - even if we are reluctantly willing to try and be in photos more often, how do we make it happen? Here is a nonextensive list of ways to include yourself in the frame more often.

1. Self-timers
   This is my go-to way to include myself in photos. More often than not, I’ll use my phone camera for this out of sheer convenience, but I’ve definitely been known to use my “big girl” camera as well. I’ll prop the phone somewhere convenient, set the timer, and run and jump in the frame. You might have to do it several times. You might feel silly. Your phone might fall over, or your son picks his nose, or, or, or -lean into it - it’s OK to feel silly when you’re learning something new. Perhaps it’s even good.

2. Tripod and Remote
   I’ll be honest - I hardly ever use a tripod anymore. For me, it’s too fussy because I usually see a moment and I know the time will pass too quickly. But to each his own - many people have great success using tripods and remotes for their self portraits! I do have a stylus with my phone that acts as a remote for the camera, and I will often use that. It’s easy to hide from view in the frame.

3. Self-control
   Repeat after me: do not delete the photo as soon as you see it. I know - I’ve done it so many times. More so, I’ve come across old photos of myself that I thought I deleted - and am so glad I didn’t. Give yourself grace getting used to being in the frame. Remember that the story of who you are now matters, full stop.

4. Let your children try
   One of the best parts of creating alongside our kids is the insatiable curiosity that grows in them for the creative outlets we enjoy. Without fail, every time I pull out my camera, I hear the voices of my little ones say “can I have a turn?” How wonderful it is to say yes to them. I’ll put the strap of my big, heavy camera around their neck. Or, I will set it on a table and point it the right direction, so they can simply push the button. They love to take pictures of me - and there is something really beautiful about seeing yourself through the eyes of your children.

5. Curiosity over criticism
   We tend to be our worst critics. But what if we approached adding this new practice of motherhood and the self portrait with curiosity? How can I include myself in a unique way? How can I notice things about myself and my story as a mother in a gentle and gracious light? Being in the photos is an opportunity to practice gratitude for the person we have become thanks to motherhood, even if it didn’t all unfold exactly how we envisioned. Stay curious about how your story and theirs come together, and see photographing it as an opportunity to steward it well.

Prompts to Get You Started

1. Hands
   The hands of mothers do so much to care for our families: check foreheads for fevers, tie shoes, wash dishes, hold hands, pack backpacks and lunches, cook dinner - how can you start small by including your hands in the frame?

2. Charity
   As I mentioned above, the virtue of Charity is represented by women caring for children. What does charity look like in your motherhood?

3. Movement
   We aren’t often still. Capture a photo of your motherhood in movement

4. Silhouette
   Look for places where your shadow shows up in motherhood

5. Connection
   Challenge yourself to be in a photograph that is a genuine moment of connection as a mother